Jada Pinkett Smith‘s marriage to Will Smith is what the “it’s complicated” relationship status was made for.
In her new memoir, Worthy, the actress dropped the bombshell that she and Smith have been secretly separated since 2016. While she doesn’t know what’s ahead for them — “that’s still my man,” she said on Monday’s The Late Show with Stephen Colbert — their marriage was never traditional. In her book, she denied the union was ever an open marriage, as had been rumored, calling it instead a “relationship of transparency.”
What’s a “relationship of transparency”?
In Worthy, the Girls Trip star, 52, wrote that she never felt the need to address all the rumors about her marriage, including that they were swingers, gay (and each other’s beards) and that they “were sleeping with whomever we choose, whenever we choose to.” She recalled shaking her head at that speculation, branding it “ridiculous.”
However, at some point after they exchanged vows in 1997, as Smith pursued his goal of becoming the biggest movie star in the world while she juggled motherhood, her career and their home, Pinkett Smith became worried about their connection. They entered the marriage with unhealed wounds — from their childhoods, his failed first marriage — and she found him to be “emotionally unavailable” while she was in a “chronic state of discontent.” Moving in different directions, she worried about Smith facing “temptations” while working with or being around “the most sought after women in the world,” noting she had experience with temptations herself as a woman in Hollywood.
So to “protect the sanctity of our trust,” she suggested a “proactive” solution via an agreement that they “would never be in a position to lie to each other.” She called it a “relationship of transparency.” She explained it was “different from an ‘open’ marriage. The agreement was never: You can go sleep with whomever you want, whenever you want. Instead, it was: Hey when those temptations are in play, let’s trust each other to come together in partnership with the truth, talk and work as partners through them. In this way, we eliminate any possibility of betrayal.”
Pinkett Smith went on to admit the arrangement is “not a strategy of the faint of heart.” In fact, “in hindsight, considering I was so young and didn’t understand all that would come with this decision, I definitely would make some adjustments if I could go back,” she wrote. She called it a decision she made so she didn’t feel abandoned. “Of course, in the process, I abandoned myself,” she said.
Pinkett Smith elaborated on the concept of “relationship of transparency” on Jay Shetty’s podcast.
“If we’re talking about we’re going to be together forever and ever and ever, that means there’s going to be some temptations that come up. Let’s be in partnership and let’s talk about that,'” she recalled them saying. “I didn’t go into my marriage like … my husband is never ever ever going to look at anybody else. I am just a realist in a lot of ways.”
Pinkett Smith’s “entanglement”
The actress also wrote about her infamous 2020 appearance on Red Table Talk in which she confirmed she had a sexual relationship with August Alsina while married to Smith.
We now know that she and Smith, who appeared by her side as she took herself to the table, were only sharing the partial truth. By that point, they had been separated for four years. Pinkett Smith said she was going to reveal that during the show, but Smith ultimately wasn’t ready for the world to know the truth.
In the book, she wrote that she doesn’t consider an entanglement an affair. That’s because Smith was aware of her involvement with Alsina, which ended in 2018.
During the taping, she said Smith veered from their prediscussed plan — of talking about how their relationship had changed and they were still figuring out what would happen. However, it played out, she wrote, Smith made it seem like he “somehow” “found out” about entanglement — as if it had been a secret. She said she wasn’t going to throw her life partner under the bus, “even if it meant wearing the scarlet letter.” While she could have scrapped airing the episode — it was her show, after all — she didn’t, but she felt hurt and betrayal.
In 2021, while Smith promoted his own memoir, Will, he admitted that he was unfaithful as well. That didn’t get a fraction of the pickup that Pinkett Smith’s entanglement received.
What’s ahead for the couple?
Pinkett Smith revealed that she and Smith went through several breakups. One took place shortly after they started dating when Smith briefly went back to first wife Sheree Zampino, with whom he shares son Trey, to try to reconcile. The couple also broke up in 2011 after Pinkett Smith’s 40th birthday. Their latest separation has been the longest, spanning from 2016 through today.
As for why they kept their long separation a secret, Pinkett Smith said it’s because they aren’t sure what’s going to happen. Their goal is life partnership and the hope is their separate journeys right now will lead them back together. After all, on the eve of their wedding, they had a conversation about whether or not they needed a prenup, deciding no, because there would never be a reason to divorce. Amid their troubles, Pinkett Smith wrote that she never consulted a divorce lawyer, feeling loyal to her marital vows.
During her press tour, Pinkett Smith told Stephen Colbert, Smith is “still my man… my dude. He’s my right hand.” She told Today‘s Hoda Kotb that she’s not in search of anyone else, saying, “There’s no finding another great love, and I think that’s the point. It’s like we are in a place now that we are in a deep, healing space. And we are really concentrating on healing the relationship between us… We are working very hard at bringing our relationship together. Back to a life partnership.” On Jay Shetty’s podcast, the host wrote an open letter to his estranged wife, which brought her to tears. “That’s why I can’t divorce that joker,” she quipped.
Pinkett Smith wrote in her memoir that the 2022 Oscars drama actually brought them closer together. She was surprised he invited her, considering their separation. (They have made tons of red carpet appearances since their secret split.) But after Smith’s explosive reaction to Chris Rock’s joke about Pinkett Smith, she quickly knew she had no intention of letting him weather that storm alone.
“What I knew, for the first time in six years since our breakup, was that I would stand with him in this storm as his wife, no matter what,” she wrote. “I would not abandon him.” They went back into therapy and experienced an ayahuasca ceremony together, which tightened their bond. However, she noted it’s “not a fairy-tale ending,” but a lasting connection.
In conversation with Yahoo Entertainment, Pinkett Smith confirms that she still lives alone, with her dog Bandit, having purchased her own home for her 50th birthday in 2021. She’s been on a spiritual journey, and abstains from alcohol, sex and limits what she spends.
“I still have my own space,” she says. “And I’ve been really enjoying that.”
Their current status? “Oh, we’re just in a really beautiful place,” Pinkett Smith tells Yahoo. “It’s like, wow, what a journey. Two babies who thought they were adults coming into such a big life and what we’ve had to struggle through and grow through together. So we’re in a really beautiful place.”
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