Gen Zers have changed how we dress, but we’ve all got to draw a line somewhere – I draw it at jorts.
If you are unfamiliar with the term, the word stems from combining the words jeans and shorts.
They are a longer pair of shorts that sit below the knee or just above and can also be baggy.
Basically, they skim past your gorgeous thighs, sail right past the bulk of your gorgeous legs, and emphasize your fleshy calves.
If you need a cultural reference, think of Avril Lavigne when she first turned up in the early 2000s or what Ashlee Simpson wore when she was married to Pete Wentz and lip-synching.
In the early 2000s, famous women used to wear them if they thought they were rock chicks – this is back when we said things like “rock chicks.”
Jorts were a middle finger to the mini skirt trend that was around at that time.
So if you wanted to look for an alternative, you covered your stems instead … but at what cost?
Sure, throw on a pair of jeans – but jorts?
They really are just so ugly and they are upsetting everyone.
A friend recently revealed to me that she’d found out her teenage daughter had turned to the unthinkable.
No, not drugs or a tacky lower back tattoo.
Much worse: She had started wearing jorts.
“She’s not even tall,” she cried.
It is safe to say that jorts are universally unflattering.
Sure, celebrities are wearing them now, like models Gigi Hadid and Em-Rata, and yes, they still look good because they are insanely beautiful women, but they’ve also looked better.
Yet, despite my horror, they are becoming a thing.
Some TikTok creators share videos of where to buy the best jorts or offer styling tips.
I appreciate the content, but no amount of styling, posing, or adding a trucker hat can stop these long pants from looking like something your grandpa used to wear when he headed out to put a bet on at the local TAB in the summer.
I was prepared to get on board with slogan T-shirts, low-rise jeans, baggy jeans, and even the return of plaid …. But the jorts, I don’t think I can embrace them, and I don’t think anyone should embrace them.
We have to stop Gen Zers.
I know that I can avoid jorts and just not wear them, but I also know myself.
Right now, I look at jorts with horror, like when someone tells me a cake is gluten-free, but eventually, they’ll start looking normal and suddenly Cotton On will be selling a pair for under $30 and I’ll decide to give them a whirl.
Enough time will have passed and I’ll think that wearing a pair of long shorts that showcase my meaty calves is actually high fashion.
It’s why I’m so concerned about jorts being a trend.
I know myself and I know other women.
We love a trend, we love a new look and we often get sucked in.
I know some people have that timeless style and they can resist trends, but I’ve never had that in my life and I’ve experienced my feet sweating in bedazzled Crocs to prove it.
Jorts are a problem because once something becomes fashionable it becomes every woman’s problem.
I’m deeply concerned that in a few months, I’ll be trotting around in jorts and I’ll look terrible but think I look like Gigi Hadid.
In reality, I will just look like someone’s dad popping into Woolies at around 6 p.m. in my best pair of at-home shorts.
Jorts are coming for all of us and no one is safe.
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