They’re dis-Ken-tinued.
Greta Gerwig’s bubblegum fever dream “Barbie” gave clever nod to ill-fated Barbie Land dolls — such as pregnant Midge, Ken’s BFF Allan, Tanner the pooping pup and Growing Up Skipper, to name a few.
“I think I got most of them in there,” Gerwig, 39, told IndieWire of brushing off the decades of dust on the misfit toys for the new summer flick.
“There’s like a million of them.”
Among the many popular iterations of Barbie over the last 64 years, these unfortunate few fell flat.
Happy Family Midge
The “weird,” as “Barbie” narrator Helen Mirren says, concept of the pregnant figurine was born into Mattel lore in 2002.
Midge — whose full name is Margaret Hadley Sherwood in the Barbieverse — was originally billed as Barbie’s best friend, but was meant to be the “ugly sidekick” to Barbie’s “dream girl” persona, M.G. Lord, the author of “Forever Barbie: The Unauthorized Biography of a Real Doll,” told Buzzfeed News.
When Midge, played by Emerald Fennell in the summer blockbuster, was launched in 1963, the redhead could fit in all of her bestie’s outfits.
But that ended when she was re-released with her magnetic bump that revealed an infant inside — nevermind the anatomical logistics. (As Margot Robbie informed the real world: Barbie doesn’t even have genitals!)
Despite Midge’s traditional nuclear family with her husband, Alan Sherwood, critics argued that the doll promoted teen pregnancy and thus was removed from Walmart’s shelves in 2002.
Allan
A “Barbie” fan favorite, Michael Cera’s Allan appears on the big screen in his signature striped shirt and ginger mop.
In the Warner Bros. flick, “there’s only one Allan” — he stands alone in a sea of beach-ready Kens.
“Allan is sort of like a person without a group that he belongs to, he’s kind of a loner, in a way,” Cera told “Entertainment Tonight.”
Like Midge, Allan was introduced in 1964 as Ken’s pal, who could also double his closet, but their bromance elicited suspicions that the two were more than just friends.
According to Attitude, the backlash resulted in Allan getting axed in the same decade, until he was allegedly canonized in the ’90s as Midge’s husband, Alan Sherwood — totally heterosexual.
Growing Up Skipper
She’s growing, alright.
Barbie’s younger sister, Skipper, was meant to educate young girls about the realities of puberty — as if rotating your left arm would magically make you sprout a few inches and go up a cup size.
In 1975, Mattel launched the figurine, played by Hannah Khalique-Brown in “Barbie,” but after an onslaught of criticism it was promptly removed two years later.
Video Girl Barbie
This Barbie had a video camera fashioned to her sternum and a screen plastered between her shoulder blades — talk about unrealistic body standards.
While she was meant to entice future filmmakers in 2010, the doll, which could record up to 30 minutes of footage, was discontinued amid safety concerns.
The FBI warned that the figurine could be used to produce child pornography, and, despite Mattel’s alleged assurance that the toy did not pose a risk, it was discontinued two years later.
Sugar’s Daddy Ken
Pet parent to a tiny white terrier fastened with a pink leash, an exquisitely dressed Ken raised eyebrows over his branding as “Sugar’s Daddy.”
Thought to be an innuendo for “sugar daddy,” the devilishly dapper doll — dressed in a vibrant lime suit jacket, white trousers and a rosy polo — was released in 2009 as part of Mattel’s Palm Beach collection that targeted adults.
That year, a Mattel spokesperson attempted to clear up the confusion, telling The Post, “The little dog’s name is actually Sugar.”
“That’s where the name comes from,” the rep continued. “He’s Sugar’s daddy, as a reference to the dog.”
Earring Magic Ken
This supposedly queer-coded Ken was too hot to handle.
Soon after his launch in 1993, the platinum blond hunk — complete with a mesh purple tee and pleather vest — was off the market due to claims that he was decidedly gay after being titled “Gay Ken.”
What gave it away? At the time, Chicago Reader columnist Dan Savage declared it was Ken’s “pierced left ear,” “two-tone ‘greased lightning’ hairdo” and the supposed sex toy dangling from his neck.
His claims, however, were adamantly denied by Lisa McKendall, the former manager of marketing and communications for Mattel.
“It’s a necklace. It holds charms he can share with Barbie,” she continued. “C’mon, this is a doll designed for little girls, something like that would be entirely inappropriate.”
With these Barbies discontinued, the collectors resale market appears to be booming.
On eBay, some figurines can be purchased for a few hundred bucks, while one Growing Up Skipper doll is valued at more than $3,000.
The steep price tags appear to be tied to the box office success of “Barbie,” which premiered last week, raking in over $22 million in previews and $70.5 million from its first two days in theaters.
The Post has reached out to Mattel for comment.
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