‘The pressure really started mounting’

The Unwind is Yahoo Life’s well-being series in which experts, influencers and celebrities share their approaches to wellness and mental health, from self-care rituals to setting healthy boundaries to the mantras that keep them afloat.

Donny Osmond may have seemingly been on top of the world as a ’70s teen idol, but the now-65-year-old star remembers experiencing anxiety at age 12. “[It was] when the pressure really started mounting, especially when we had a hit record, and I started having my own career,” recalls the “Puppy Love” singer, who performed with his older brothers as part of the Osmonds before joining sister Marie to host Donny & Marie.

Osmond found himself struggling again as he focused on his solo comeback. While he returned to the charts in 1989 and spent much of the ’90s starring in a hit Broadway musical, his success didn’t help him shake off his anxious feelings.

“It was horrible,” says the singer-songwriter. “I went through it because, in my opinion, adversity builds strength, if you allow it to. I had lost my career, and I was really trying hard to get back on the charts. ‘Soldier of Love’ hit real big, then ‘Sacred Emotion’ hit real big. And then I did Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I’m doing standing-room-only business, and you would think it would fix it.”

But the “problem with anxiety” is that “you put arbitrary expectations on yourself,” explains Osmond. “It’s all in your mind. [You] think, ‘Oh, this person expects this much out of me, and if I don’t deliver, I’m gonna lose my job, I’m gonna lose my reputation.’ Well, [I thought] I was going to lose my career again if I didn’t give a perfect performance.”

Osmond recalls one particular night, ahead of a performance in Minneapolis, when his anxiety was so debilitating that he felt like he couldn’t go on stage. “My wife looked at me and said, ‘Why don’t you do yourself a favor and do the audience a favor, and why don’t you go out there tonight and just do an average show?’” recalls the entertainer. “It’s the best show I ever did. Because I gave myself license to make a mistake. You don’t want to do too many, because then you have a reputation of not being good. But for a Type A personality, average is pretty darn good.”

Now, Osmond’s advice to himself and anyone struggling with something similar is “just be kind to yourself.” “The other night on stage, I cracked a note,” he shares. “It was during this beautiful ballad, and I stopped the show. You could hear a pin drop. And I said to the audience, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, you came here to watch a show and see me do a good job. I just cracked a note. We’re going to start the song over again.’ I got to the point where I cracked it up before, I crossed my fingers, I nailed the note and the audience cheered like crazy. They were with me. It’s going to that point where you accept your mistakes, and you just say to yourself, ‘It’s OK. Let it go, as they sing in Frozen.’”

Getting to the point where he could do that was, of course, a “long process,” admits Osmond. “I had some great psychiatrists, but I’ve read a lot of books,” he says. “You can [take] medication, whatever you want to do. This might be discouraging for some people to hear, but it’s down to you. You’ve got to do the work.”

Osmond has also leaned on songwriting to celebrate the message that it’s OK to make mistakes. “I wrote a song on my new album called ‘Start Again,’” he notes. “So many people have come to me and said, ‘Your song has helped me get through so much.’ Because it’s all about how you’re going to make mistakes, and it’s OK. I’ve been there before. It’s never too late to start again. I wrote this with Jonas Myrin, and when we wrote these lyrics, we talked about the mistakes that I’ve made in my life, and [the need to] shake it off, and start again.”

Despite spending decades in the spotlight, Osmond strongly believes in remaining grounded, a lesson he learned when he was 14 from none other than Elvis Presley, whose show at the Las Vegas Hilton preceded the Osmonds’. “My brothers and I were opening up the next night, and we were in his dressing room getting ready, and the door opens up and it’s Elvis,” recalls Osmond. “He walks in and says, ‘Hi, everybody, I’m Elvis Presley.’ If anybody didn’t need to introduce himself, it’s Elvis Presley. And it affected me so much. I remember [thinking,] ‘Here’s the king of rock and roll who’s humble.’”

The dad of five and grandfather of 14 sings the praises of work-life balance as integral to mental well-being, as well. “Thank goodness I have a wonderful wife who knows how to help me balance my life,” he says. “I’ve watched people destroy their personal life, because there’s so many wonderful professional opportunities. There are times in my life where I have turned down things I know would have been successful. But it would have compromised my time with my children, my wife, my grandchildren.”

In fact, quality time with loved ones is Osmond’s favorite way to take a step back from putting his nose to the grindstone and truly relax. “I go out to my garden,” he shares. “I have an orchard, and I planted fruit trees, one for every grandchild. When they come over, they say, ‘Grandpa, let’s go check on my tree.’ I’ve always loved waterfalls, so in my backyard I built these beautiful waterfalls that surround this fire pit where I sit with my family. We cook s’mores and just talk and tell stories. That is where I recharge.”